Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Chimes. You know, the twinky twanky crap noise that prepares parents to be tapped up for a quid or two as a pacifier for heir whining snotty offspring. Maybe you didn't realise, maybe you did; There are laws governing the use of ice cream van music. So next time Tarquin fancies a five quid Magnum Classic from the back of a pikeys van, think about how difficult it is for the vendor. No wonder they have to sell cocaine to make ends meet. And yes. I was surprised too. People get paid to make this stuff up you know...
1: Ice cream van chimes can only be used in hours between 1200 and 1900 (only for the sale of a perishable commodity for human consumption).
2: Ice cream van chimes cannot use words.
3: Ice cream van chimes cannot exceed 80 dB (less in a narrow street)
4: The sound of the chimes can't be distorted.
5: Chimes can't be played for more than 4 seconds.
6: Chimes cannot be played while stationary, only while drawing into a stopping place.
7: Chimes can't be played at more than 3 minute intervals and not more than once in 2 hours in the same street..
8: Chimes cannot be played within sight of another ice cream van.
9: Chimes can't be played within 50 metres of any hospital, school during school hours or a place of worship on a Sunday (or any other day of worship).
10: Chimes cannot be sounded in any way that may give rise to annoyance.
That's just the tip of the iceberg for the poor bugger who failed at school. Take into account food hygiene, insurance, driving licence, the sun never shines in the UK, etc.
Mind you. The whole trade stops a lot of knackered 1980's Ford Transits going to the scrappers....
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
After being asked to listen to Technicolour Yawn by Craig Scotts Labotomy, I did.Then I listened to other CSL tracks on Soundcloud. Then www.craigscottslobotomy.com. Then I listened to the remixes before starting again.. After all that, some coffee and a cheeky double whiskey, I decided it was reminiscent of a lot of the weird shit I used to listen to in the early '90s after the friends had gone home, (Sheep On Drugs anyone? Anyone? No, I didn't think so). So on the day that JLS realised they were a bunch of twats and couldn't stand each other any longer and I was off work having the contents of my knacker sack fucked about with, it was good that this opportunity came along to take my mind off the dull ache of success.
It's always exciting when a new genre comes along, so as Medio-core labels this group, it's obviously in the middle, but of what? Hardcore and Softcore, drycore and wetcore? Not really, It's somewhere between Pop and Anti Pop, which is where a lot of fantastic noise is based. Most of CSL listens like an apparently directionless cacophony of sound which is more complex than initially meets the ear. Listen carefully to all of CSL and there are some extraordinary musical ingredients with a nod to the likes of Shpongle, The Avalanches and Aphex Twin right through to subtle flavours of Frank Zappa and Humphrey Lyttleton, even my old piano teacher is trapped in there somewhere and making no attempt to escape because she is having so much fun.
Technicolour Yawn is a clever reverse engineering and re-imagining of how music is made, like moving all the machines around in a factory and seeing the bizarre object that rolls out of the other end. There is no cliche, misrepresentaion or over-refinement in Technicolour Yawn. There is curiosity, discovery and evolution, things that are sorely lacking from the shit consumed out of the hand of Cowell & Co.
Where you can find Craig Sccotts Labotomy:
Saturday, November 24, 2012
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
I found this on my phone and remember starting to write it, as for why I left it I'll never know but the time had passed now...
Im going to do a blog. Im on a boat. Quite a nice boat. Quite a shit boat. Its one of those boats with a, and I use the term loosely, 'band'. Im not sure that the amateur musicians I've just seen could possibly be placed in that category without irony. Even the handle 'amateur musicians' is stretching it a tad. They were stood close to some cheap instruments and an audience. Well, I say audience...
Saturday, January 28, 2012