Sunday, October 30, 2011

A middle of the road opinion.

Not a long one this as it's a middle lane of the motorway thing. I know I've banged on about this before but it really does annoy the absolute f*ck out of me and the only other thing I could think to winge about was eaten by my computer at about 250 words. Not short, not sweet, just forgotten...
  I digress. Apparently the law says it is illegal (and dangerous) to 'undertake' on a UK motorway/dual carriageway ie: pass a moving vehicle on it's left hand side, there is probably a specific punishment for it although if there isn't I'm sure the nearest available point of law will serve instead just to prove a point. Now, here comes my opinion, and that I've laid a flawed preamble, it should work really quite well. Ultimately it shouldn't be possible to 'undertake' on any motorway or dual carriageway, anywhere, ever, without being a prick. Full stop. But we live in an imperfect world of sentences that begin with "but", "quiet" carriages on bloody noisy antiquated trains, more specifically we (I) live in a country where there is no compulsory education prior to using the least forgiving roads we have. A child can drive from the age of 14, book a test for their 17th birthday and within an hour be on a motorway, with every other clueless bell end who thinks they'll be alright as long as they don't get too close to the edge, some of whom have been clueless for decades about which bit of the motorway to make their own. I can make the most sincere of promises to anyone who thinks it's ok to sit in the centre lane (possibly in fear of falling right off the motorway and getting their shoes dirty) and they are:

Promise No. 1: If you use the nearside lane you and your passengers will not be crushed to death by a 22 stone pie eating HGV driver who is high on diesel and amphetimines, wanking, transporting 38 tons of dead prostitutes to a local shallow grave, asleep or all of the above.

Promise N0. 2: Should you stray into the outside lane I can say quite safely that you and your passengers will not be hunted down, stolen, raped, murdered, painted a different colour or otherwise inconvenienced unnecessarily by a white van driver, rep-in-a-vauxhall or anybody who has a proper job and just wants to go somewhere, with a glint of pure evil in their cold dead soul-less eyes.

So. Do me a favour, look left and see if there is room for your car to operate on that part of the motorway and if there is then for christ's sake use it and only use the outside lane for passing non reformed bell ends, not for trying not enforce the legal speed limit by providing a rolling road block at 70 (your'e only really doing 64mph anyway. Tosser).. Thank you.

There. Finished. You can go away now.

1 comment:

  1. One of my pet hates is people who don't indicate when using a roundabout. Alos those who indicate but then don't go in that direction! Some idiot indicated left, I went to pull out and he carried straight on. Don't cause an accident or anything!